Sucker Punch (2011)

Mark Kermode said this film was interminably dull, to which I (optimistically, but arguably logically) thought "scantily-clad girls with guns and samurai swords fighting dragons and zombie Nazis CAN'T be dull".

I stand corrected.

Sucker Punch opens with a stylish, albeit clichéd, opening sequence; lots of slo-mo, lots of starkly-lit images and heavy scoring. Then the title appears, the words 'Sucker Punch' appearing in rain rivulets on a car window. I thought the person who suggested that in whatever meeting it was should perhaps have been laughed out of the room. Then my optimism popped up again and said 'Hey, maybe it's an inspired decision and maybe this is an enjoyable, if slightly daft, romp of a film that oozes bold styling'.

Let me summarise briefly to spare a 6-page rant. Shortly after the film's opening I stopped caring about the main character. And the rest of them. Then I stopped being impressed with the 'alternate reality' sequences (the 'dance' sequences). Then I just struggled to keep myself awake and occupied long enough to not walk out and abandon my mates.

I couldn't believe it. Somehow Zack Snyder has managed to achieve something I never thought possible. He's made scantily-clad girls with guns and samurai swords fighting dragons and zombie Nazis genuinely, and mind-numbingly, boring. My hat's off to you, Zack. Now can I have my money and two hours of my life back, please?

Sucker Punch clocks in at 1hr 50mins, but it feels like a three-and-a-half hour film thanks to unempathetic characters, a repetitive format, unexplained layered realities and most of all, gallon upon gallon of slo-mo! Just running the film in normal speed would easily cut it down to an hour and a half.

I think the final nail in the coffin for me was about two-thirds through the film where the main character (whose name my brain seems to have erased already) murders a sleeping baby dragon to plunder fire-producing capabilities. No compassion whatsoever, she just slits his throat and takes what she wants, before having to execute his mother too, after.

No catharsis left, couldn't convince myself to care about any of these characters or the film any more.

Whilst there are certainly some good sequences and stunning visuals occasionally, mostly this is Grade A boring b******t. Which is a disappointment from the guy who did a serviceable job of filming the unfilmable Watchmen.